Saturday, April 2, 2011

Hadahopetep Almost Gets It Done

Last night had a chance to play Sid Meier's Civilization: The Board Game with my brother (Jeden), Cherry (Kirsche), and Ryan (Ryan). What follows was found in some caves in Scotland along with William Wallace's kilt.

From the Histories of the Scholar Adam.

Early in the history of Civilization four powers rose to dominance. In the North East of the world the Americans, led by Ryan the Hoarder, began to thrive. In the South East the great regime of Hadahopetep of the Egyptians began to explore North, but ran into the Sea of Wet and were repelled back. In the South West the Chinese quickly discovered horseback riding and began a rapid destruction of thatch hut raiding for the culture that is found in all thatch and the name of their leader Jeden was met with fear and trembling throughout the land. Kirsche of the Germans led his people in the North Western realms of Sand and vowed peace no matter how much blood.

During the ancient times it became clear that a deep and thriving hate was had between Hadahopetep & Jeden when there empires immediately began competing over huts and villages in-between their lands. The Chinese though being faster and more powerful early on held the advantage. However, the Egyptians with the famous Colossus of Alexandria and Stonehenge in City #2 were able to catch back up towards the middle ages. Germany stayed in their corner and built building after building year during the ancient times, making some exploratory adventures towards the Chinese, but upon seeing their aggression, turtled back into the North West. The Americans used their vast hoards of spices and cloth to improve the culture of their people and survive great events such as the destruction of thousands of acres of lands outside Alexandria.

During the middle-ages Jeden decided to push and prod Hadahopetep of the Egyptians by moving an army of Archers & Spearmen into the regions around City #2. Hadahopetep consulted with his queen, the beautiful I’mStuck-re and in order to deal with the threat of the Chinese built the Hanging Gardens of City #2, which people to this age say has a nice ring to it. Going using the new armies that flocked to the Gardens, the Egyptians destroyed the Chinese in the Battle of the Small Imps, laying to waste the Chinese and taking culture from them. Mean while, since nobody felt the Germans were a threat, all the powers were giving them trade. The Americans though, seeing the military build up that was occurring between the Chinese and Russians began building their forces, while continuing to hoard all cloth, silk, iron, uranium, spies, and any other type of resource they could get their hands on.

Finally, comes the conclusion of these histories, where many lives were lost and Kirsche of the Germans employed me to write of them. With the American discovery of Atomic Theory, through no overt aggression of the Germans, Ryan the Hoarder performed a dastardly deed and nuked the once great city of City #2 in Egypt. Destroying not only the great Scientist Charlie, but also spraying round up on the Hanging Gardens that were present in that city. This resulted in the Yellow Army of the City of Pancake, which was located just south of the American city of Juniper, advancing to Juniper and a magnificent battle taking place. In this battle the forces of the Hoarder were driven back and the city was destroyed. However, being very aged at the time, Hadahopetep forgot to steal a technology (namely Atomic Theory) and instead just researched on his own at that time. I’m now employed by Kirsche because of this dreadful mistake. Hadahopetep, had he not been so senile and dumb, could’ve gone to space during that year on the back of Computers and Atomic Theory. The seasons advanced though and the day before Hadahopetep and the week before the Hut Pillager Jeden, my master Kirsche developed space flight and ruled the world. However, in a small way Hadahopetep felt good, knowing that he could’ve nuked Landlocked, the American city with no water, if he wanted too.

So as you wander this land and perhaps come upon the ruins of that tantalizing city City #2, remember that Hadahopetep of the Egyptians thought once to rule this world, but anger against Jeden and a long standing history of making widows of his northern neighbors drew too much attention to him, allowing the peaceful cherry picker German to hire me to write history.

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